In a city where greeting card writers are celebrated like movie stars, Romance writer Ray used to be the king. In trying to recapture the feelings that once made him the greatest, he gets entangled in a web of murder and deceit as writers vie to create the perfect card for a new holiday: Girlfriend's Day.

Fred's life becomes like a horror movie: his favorite music teacher is missing and all suspicions point to her replacement, Mr. Devlin, a pale man who dresses in all black and carries an umbrella in the sunlight.... Fred suspects that he's a vampire. With the help of his faithful friend Bertha, Fred sets out to save the town from this garlic-hating fiend.

Eddie is forty, owns a sporting-goods store, and is still single. After watching his ex-fiancée walk down the aisle, he meets Lila, an environmental researcher, who seems too good to be true. Pressured by his father and best friend, Eddie pops the question and marries Lila after only 6 weeks. However, as he almost instantly discovers, his new bride is a nightmare with more baggage than he can handle. She's immature, foolish, a monster in bed, owes a tremendous amount of money to various sources, and as it turns out, is only a volunteer and doesn't actually have a job. While on their honeymoon in Cabo, Eddie meets Miranda, a down-to-earth lacrosse coach who is visiting with her family. Sparks fly, and Eddie falls for her. Now comes the tricky part of breaking off his marriage to crazy Lila, all while keeping the truth from Miranda about why he's in Cabo in the first place...